I Hate People
Spring cleaning! Tis the time of year where the productive ones among us take extra care to deep clean our homes and declutter our minds. Summer is almost here, and spring is offering that proverbial "fresh start." I've seen a few blooms in the past few weeks that actually made me forget about racism and rape culture for a hot second. But as I continue my stroll down St. Nicholas Ave and hear the unending catcalls from dick owners (ranging from OGs on park benches to young black teenagers who decided education is useless at 12:30pm in the afternoon), I am again reminded of my everyday revelation: I hate people.
After living in NYC for well over 8 years, I have come to the conclusion that I didn't always feel this way, but being surrounded by so many people on such a small island was all the case study I needed. People are trash. And of course there are exceptions--there are always exceptions to every rule. But overall, for every beautiful soul that walks this earth, there are at least 8 assholes or useless humans who should be discarded. Even the people we praise for their incredible talents or intellectual prowess are often found guilty of behaviors that should land them at the local landfill. Because, like I said, people are trash. And this isn't new information. Humans have been shitty since the beginning of time. We are born shitty, and it is actually our parents' responsibility to socialize us and help make us less shitty, but not every parent is good at their job. My parents put forth the effort to ensure I did not turn out to be a horrible human, and as a result, I always had a higher moral standard for myself and others--that same high standard has led to severe devastation. Why? Because humans are the worst.
I want to love people. But to love us, means to love all people, and y'all have proved time and time again that you do not deserve love. The behaviors I witness regularly are proof there is a general lack of self love in the world. Why waste time loving people who don't love themselves? And I'm not only referring to the obvious murderers, pedophiles, rapists, narcissists, and human traffickers when I discuss useless and terrible humans. The worst among us are the wealthy or just generally entitled type.
After working in restaurants for forever and a day, the entitled humans of the world have become some of my least favorite people. The ones who respond to a polite, "Hi, how are you," with a vague stare and a command: "Bring us water." They might give the host a hard time for having to wait for a table at a restaurant on a Friday night in NYC at peak hours, and they might pull the "I know the owner" card even when they don't. They are typically the type whose family previously owned slaves or currently owns slaves, (or hired help if we want to sugarcoat it). They might even be the corporate types who are overly obsessed with the commas in their paychecks (and whose assistants and interns can probably be found weeping at their desks from constant verbal abuse). My least favorite are the black people who have escaped poverty just enough to treat other black people working in restaurants as their servants. All of these people have been conditioned to believe their money can be used to control others, and when they wave their hands they expect you to come immediately and fulfill all of their wishes (and there are always SO. MANY. WISHES.).
Here's the thing. Humans existed long before bank accounts. Wealth is a social construction. The very first humans to walk the earth existed as equals. From the moment we developed currency and the means to acquire more of it at an unequal rate, we should have thrown ourselves away. That was probably the beginning of the end.
Humans have a strong history of being trash. There is actually evidence of shitty behavior dating back to the moment humans developed ways of documenting life. Can you name a country that has never dealt with conflict? Can you name a country that treats ALL of its inhabitants with respect and fairness? You probably can't. The fact that we decided you could even own land and develop a whole country in the first place makes us inherently trash. Why do we accept the notion that you can own something you did not create? Why do we feel it is appropriate to insert ourselves into certain environments only to then trash them with our harsh chemicals and man made materials?
And yes, I have single use plastic throughout my kitchen and I have poisoned the earth with 1,000 #ArtistsOnly lighters that cannot be recycled. I am also guilty of being rude to bill collectors and telemarketers, and I rarely give out spare change to those who ask for it, even when my fanny pack is loaded with laundry quarters (because I have selfish, asshole tendencies just like everyone else). However, I have also fully come to terms with the fact that I ain't shit. I am absolutely a part of the problem, and I hate myself a little bit for it.
I try to spread love as often as possible, but when I wake up to news stories of racist rants or sexual atrocities committed by humans I once respected, it makes my blood boil that we can't have day of peace. If it's not some white woman calling the cops on black people for existing within a one mile radius of her heartbeat, or some entitled white kid shooting up a school for attention, it's a disrespectful black dude sexualizing my body for the sake of a one liner to laugh about with his friends, or an ignorant black woman ready to fight another woman and her child over assigned seats in a movie theater. I may have a day here or there where I don't personally have interactions with garbage humans, but on those days, I can always count on the news to remind me: I hate people. This is a cry for help. Somebody, please change my mind.